document.getElementById( "ak_js" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); *DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK*. I do not want to do any of these things. Love to everyone out there. So in addition to trying to process her death, I still find myself saying to myself What happened? Its easier but than again it isnt. I have known no other life sin e I was 16. Im trying to be in acceptance and have great support around me. The medications are harsh but necessary. Boys seeing so sad. There is such sadness and emptiness. I hope you are living well in the world of the creator. I have sleepless night. "It will lessen as we learn to cope with it," she insists. The light has gone out of the world, and itll never shine again. I was absolutely devastated. He, too had lung cancer and kidney failure and his death was sudden. Her kindness, caring, compassion, patience and understanding are all qualities shared by my wife. I remarried in 2012 after dating for 5 years my second husband died 6 weeks later of heart attack on his way to work at the fire department. I can say there are days that are a bit better than others. I cry everyday and into the night, have no interest or desire to engage with other people, and I miss him so Those kinds of moments are among the hardest because they bring us face-to-face with our new reality by reminding us of how much we miss the profound bond of love that we experienced in doing the simplest things together. Though true, it doesnt help. I miss him so much and want to be close to him again. Ill say my farewell now to you all . Please stay strong and know that youre not alone. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. It still hurts and i wish it didnt. To have some exchange to feel better or to go forward. yes Patricia you have said exactly what I feel. Everything seems meaningless. just realized recently that this will not get any better at all. I try to stay very busy . Holly, I lost my wife early last year. My mom died of cancer in January 2017 so I am approaching the one year anniversary mark. I am afraid that if I dont learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. She was 45. Over time your focus will change, youll not lose him but you have to allow yourself to be distracted, the pain only eases when you do. Holly, no one understands and I often find myself pretending to others everything is fine. Has anyone else experienced a strong feeling of depression after months of grief? The first 2 years every single memory of every single moment of happiness we had were the worst part. It's just me & my 6 year old son now. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, I do experience love and happiness. I am just hoping, somehow it will help to get it out. But, know that those thoughts are self protection thoughts from the pain and hurting you are going through. Im so glad I found this post. I love him so. I know you will make the right decision what to do about your future. He died in my arms. Big hugs. And I think of him everyday . You are with me. But you learn that youll survive them. I know I will have to carry this pain around until I die too, because it will never ease. In July 2016, we decided to move to Wichita so he could closer to his family. God Bless you in this unwanted journey. The cancer was already in his liver when they found it, so all that could be done is chemo to give him a little more time. I lost my mum very suddenly on the 18 January 2017. These things help ME and every one is different but I would go completely mad if I didnt keep busy. But now I know how bad her struggle was and wish that I would have seen it as that and had more compassion and understanding instead of worrying about how it affected me i should have seen how it was affecting her. She passed away August 2020 . She was crying every day on the way to and from work. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0. I feel so alone and just want to go home to him. Previously I had had several sessions with myofascial therapy and that REALLY helped me release the anger and sorrow. Lost my husband 2 yrs 4 months its hard I have good days but I need someone to talk to thats not family. I dont know many widows that are my age, Im 60. every day is a challenger i hate waking up in the morning, I do try to go out and see friends but it really doesnt help, Im not sure how much longer I can continue like this, it has to get a little better I can only hope. We were together for 22 years. For me, the first year was difficult, of course, but the grief was so intense that in the strangest way there was purpose in it. So nothing. I miss him so much. I know your husband is with you in spirt. We had plans to move to a Sr. Thank you for all your comments and thoughts you are sharing. What did the doctors miss? We both had been married before and had children. I do not belong in this world anymore. Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? Nearly a Yr on that pain never goes away. Dating isnt an option because in my heart I am still married. I remember the meltdown in my life, Christmas day.realizing that I would never have another Christmas life my previous 20 years, I cried so hard, I didnt think I could have any tears leftbut they just kept coming. Its as if Im forced to relieve him not ever coming back all the time exhausting, painful and heart wretching. This breaks my heart to read. The first year was being tired and on high alert I was now dad and mom and single. 5th Nov 2017 was the most horrible night when we were called to the hospital and she was just lying there unconscious. This is by far the worse loss i have experienced. Maybe its some physical thing. But Istill had hope. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. See a translation. I buried Milo with his mammy (a little memorial box that lay at my wife hands) went together on their journey. Glad I happened onto this website where I can share such deep feelings that I used to share with the love of my life. Even though we had hospice care, there was so much confusion about what was happening to her and if she was getting the right treatment; there was so much decision-making which is fatiguing; the living room where she slept for the last three months became cluttered with medical supplies and bottles of pills. Urban. Survivors guilt hit me like a ton of bricks and I begged God to let me trade places with them. Finding it hard to move one still. Then my husband., He was my best friend. love you. Im a single mom and work fulltime. I think there is an acceptance that your loved one will not be back, but the hurt does not stop. The dr gave be sleeping tabs to get my body /mind back i to sleepmode . RKD. The missing her is getting worse. Diagnosed on 3 Feb and gone 14 Feb. She too was everything to me. . I have one regret that has sickened me this whole year, I wish with everything inside of me that I would have not let them give him the methadone and morphine but the choice was comfortable or in pain I chose comfortable not realizing that meant when they got the pain under control I nor my kids and grand-kids would never hear his voice again. The pain comes in waves. I am now 85 and pretty healthy other than an old body. Over the next few months I was in the hospital myself six times (not COVID related, though.) Since you do have the original Will, you must submit . "The most beautiful moments always seemed to accelerate and slip beyond one's grasp just when you want to hold onto them for as long as possible.". i am finding it more difficult with each passing day . This was without doubt the hardest thing Ive ever done. Going to church hurts, even though it is suppose to be a healing place, we spent a lot of time together up there. Died. Killing yourself is not going to bring your husband back nor is it going to help the ones you leave behind, we all have to travel this route that is a fact. By Gods help we will get through this. My husband has been gone for 5 1/2 months now and there are days I am almost immobile with the grief; I didnt even know it was possible to cry this hard or that it could actually cause physical pain to grieve. then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. For me, Everyday is a shocking reminder that my husband is not with me. The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. He was a wonderful man, husband, father, gaga and he was my very best friend. My children and 3 grandchildren miss him terribly and I try not to cry in front of them. I became a widow 25 months ago. Well a couple months after he was killed. Date Calculator - Add or subtract days, months, years. Yet, everyone loved him. I had no idea grief would be like this and encourage all couples and families to discuss dying and be prepared as much as you can be for death to be a part of your life. I thought that by this time (14 months) it would hurt less. I Lost my husband. Maybe I am afraid that I would one day forget the sound of my dads voice, his smiles and stories. Ironically, she was a renown scientist and she did cancer research. Today is the second Thanksgiving without my husband, who I lost 18 months. I was her care Not up and down but flat and down. I did see a counselor. So it is a major move, but I am waiting until the end of the year or beginning 01-01-19 to make sure it is for the right reasons. The sadness is overwhelming. I hope your find strength in coming months x. Hi. Its 16 month my wife left me alone in this world, my pain is getting worst day by day! It took at least a year to realize that the evidence I would get was the fact I held on to him. I lost my wife to cancer 22 months ago. I was numb. I lost my mum 13 months ago. i found myself googling for months trying to understand the event how it happened and could i have avoided it. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. He fell and hit his head, passing away very suddenly. All this time I felt hopeless, guilty, sad, mad, upset, confused, tired, but more than anything miserable. Hi Heather I will never get that scene out my head for as long as i live as i froze completely instead of performing CPR like i shouldve (nothing anyone can say to me can change my mind that had i started the CPR 12 minutes before he might have at least had a chance of not being braindead, especially considering that I am CPR certified). I dont have a lot of emotional stamina to fake it anymore. I will type a little should you come back here. Good luck., I feel your pain. My life really feels over. I lost my husband August 22nd 2018 and I too visit the grave site nearly every day, and pray to God to let me be with my love. Maybe. I feel so hopeless and Im just tired of feeling like this. I find its a song, film or similar that sets me off & the relentless Covid media stuff, & it all sets me off crying. What hurts me the most is that I wasnt with him when he died. I am a shell of what I was to never return to the happy go lucky-good guy I was because of my wife. You might even expect that of yourself. Comparing him to my late husband. I am hosting the in-laws. :-(. Express your emotions and honor your loved one's memory through art. I felt I should have paid more attention and have found the money to pay for the tests that would have shown he needed medical treatment. Even though my brother was in the military for twenty four years and had been gone most of the time from the family. Of course I can, it just hurts. You are being really honest about your loss. Its been 5 months for me though. (His name was Jackie) I have not had one good day. It's been 6 months since my husband passed that horrible Sunday morning. Courtesy Marisa Renee Lee. Patience and gentle reflection can help you and your family heal from the pain of losing a pet. If ever there was a time when we need to be setting realistic expectations for ourselves, then certainly our time of grieving is one of them. I was just finishing my first semester of college and he was the father figure I never had. I believe this is true. I dreaded what I knew my heart would feel.. that horrible ache for him, missing him, his voice, his laugh, his incredible hugs. He died in hospice and seeing him in a comma 9 days, and finally passing on still plays in my mind. Its been twenty months and it breaks my heart. Its just that sometimes a song, a memory, or something someone says rips it open again, and you have to let all the emotions out so you can heal again. Life is not stagnant. She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita. You were the best brother a girl could ask for and the best dad in the world. Im trying to deal every day and some are better than others. I have read most of the posts..we are all in pain..it has been 1 year 1 month and 6 days since I lost my best friend my anchor..I live interstate away from my two children..I work full time and have lots lf work colleagues..my lifelong friend lives interstate..I have two dogs and no close friends outside of work.suddenly my pain and lonliness seems to be more devastating that in the first 12 months..people think I am tough and have done really well and appear happy again.how wrong they all are..underneath this fascade is a really sad person whose heart has broken wide open.right now I seriously feel being dead would be easier..I am empty inside with no future to look forward to.even my sense of humour which I am renowned for has died with my hubbyI do motivate muself to go oit and am surrounded by couples only enforcing on how lonely I ama person who used to be extra energetic, happy, always laughing..this person is now dead inside with no wish to carry on with my life.not sure how long I can go on for..if it werent for my dogs I would have left this life months agodont care any more..sorry..but there is no way I can tell anyone how I feel..not even my Grief Counsellor..I know I am not the only one of us who feels like this so whoever you are you will know exactly how I am feelingand no..I will not use antidepressants..I am not depressed there ks no medication for heartbreak. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. I go to the cemetery once a month, but it still doesnt seem like hes there. I cant have gone completely cold though, as I cry reading all your letters, and am so grateful that we have each other xxx. Why did he have to be taken away from me? He embraced his few enemies He was my hero and I still miss him terribly. Maybe one should not love so deeply, then maybe it would not hurt so much to lose them. I have great sadness and empathy when I read your note. How does one handle it? i have so little motivation to work. We always hold my hand whether , We were watching TV, Driving in the car or going for a walk. it stands incomplete like our time together feels. My Wife, best friend, confidant, solemate is gone. He was my first, and one and only love. I feel like if I move out and get my own place something new I may be able to. We were living in St. Louis when he was diagnosed with GBM-Brain cancer on November 2015. I beg for at least a sign, that he hears me, and nothing yet I feel so guilty that Im not crying everyday now. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. I was her caregiver for her last six months. Not sure how to deal with this anymore. We got so close over the years, I cant bear being without him. But there is no clock on grief and it is such an important message to get across. I hold his hand,calling his name tried to woke him up, then a nurse came to me and asked if I needed to call a priest, I was so shocked! I lost my bf jan-21-14. Time does not necessarily heal. Twenty eight years of marriage was not enough. No wife or kids. God the pain is excruciating , even to bring my mind back, which I dont do, I feel like I am looking in a glass window at myself, doing all the things I have to do and only those things. But the terrifying thing about grief is how easy it can be to function in your day-to-day life while it quietly eats away at you. ,sad, I cry for my wife married 33years happy together did every thing together ,, small cel lung cancer. Like you my life has changed completely I feel I am a different person, Im not sure I know myself. Havent worked since. Week Number Calculator - Find the week number for any date. I am so sorry for your loss but shingles can be so painful and you were trying to spare him this pain. My son took me shopping after my husband died and there was almost nothing I could eat that didnt remind me of him. I read The Year of Magical Thinking and at the end she says that eventually your loved one will become just a photo on the dresser. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). even though she had been ill a long time she was taken in an Whoever said it gets easier with time lied or they didnt havetrue love or their soulmate like I did.. My heart is forever broken. Everyday I am wishing for him to come home, I am hoping that one day he would knock on the door and said Im home, the emptiness is killing me everyday, We misses him so much. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And usually in his favourite colours. Jackie, your words hit the mark, I lost my husband 18 months ago, no warning just woke up to finding him taking his last breath, I called 911, started CPR after 20 min. (Yes, I know, 14 months is not enough time, but this grievers-purgatory, if you will, is mentally exhausting.). Nothing, nothing, nothing even remotely resembles sanity for me. Im coming up on the 2 year anniversary of his passing, I can for sure that it has not go There are no winners, are there? I want to share with you all what happened to me last night. Sounds like me. I just had another cry and heart wrenching moment after 1 year and 10 months. I still cry for him. Ive lost both my parents and many significant others but my child is the absolute worst. Your skin loses its moisture and its elasticity, so it shrivels up a bit. He left a big crater for everyone who knew him. Sometimes I try to think about losing him so I can cry but the tears dont come and its eating me up inside. I totally understand. So lets make the best of the life we have. Sometimes he can't sleep at night and stay wide awake at 4am thinking about her. Ive lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I still have Sophie, another king charles. My youngest son lost his battle to addiction Sep 30 2017. Scars are a testament to life. Im not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. I just had the one-year anniversary of losing my husband suddenly and unexpectedly after 35 years. I keep saying to myself I should have and could have done more to help her. My baby girl passed away 6 months later. I am at the 16 month mark and it seems to be getting harder. And youll survive them too. Use the DATEDIF function when you want to calculate the difference between two dates. RIP. Sometime I just have the urge to pack up from my city and move but o know it want take the pain and emptiness I feel. I can hardly read through all my tears for me and for everyones post were not alone. Dont know how to be happy. I just can not move forward as fast as they can. It would be rather strange if you did and I think that is so true. I also have an on/off boyfriend who is a narcissist I am sure. It works. I totally understand. Ive been around long enough and I dont really give a damn anymore about this earthly existence. Her suffering in the end made things even worse. I feel like Im going insane. Told us he had stage 4 lung cancer. My heart physically hurt so badly, that I prayed I would diethen and there. It is now over a year, I have dear friends, do many things like tennis and bridge, but cooking, eating and sleeping alone is torture. My then 7 year old daughter found him first. Early in 2011, I lost my little brother(31), and a beloved co-worker/friend, and my mother-in-law within 1 1/2 months. Most of the time I cover my feelings up so people dont know how I really feel. Im not that lucky have no living relatives .just my my cats..some months the other person i talk with is my doctors..and go weeks setting in the house watching tv or looking out the window. Time Flies Quotes. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses. Even though they told me that he was going to die I didnt believe it for a minute. My wife and I divorced about a year after he passed. They say time is a great healer but somehow it does not seem to be. We did everything together. But now I sit here missing her so much In the first year after her death, I felt her presence twice, and heard her voice in a dream. For a while, all you can do is float. My heart is breaking. This week for no particular reason has been extremely hard. My heart goes out to you. My husband passed away two years ago Sat. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. I still think about my husband everyday and I still miss him, but now when I think of him its with a smile. I thought he slipped on the ice and hurt his back or knees. Small cel lung cancer she had half lung one 3/4 lung left married 33 yrs happy married. But they are all difficult to get through without him. I dont want to go anywhere but have to. He was in and out of the hospital for months and then a small mass was found on his lung. I know the biggest star in the sky that is shining the most is you. I feel I am grieving harder now then the first year after he died. , too, lost my husband 2-1/2 years ago. Its becoming real and it sucks. But now I wish I could just turn back time to be a child and hug my mom again. He had pancreatic cancer, and had 9 months to live after his diagnosis. I had always been an optimistic, happy person. I cant write it but feel it and I feel it with you. I dont want to hear it so I dont go out anymore. I do believe in the resurrection and have faith that we will meet again. As painful and intense as the mourning was, it was when I felt closest to him and the best way I could find to say, I love you. And so, when grief came knocking I answered. Forgive yourself. Dad in January so I have no family. My two. We had selected and paid for our weding bands. 2nd year I didnt know how to cope with the pain so i was in a unlovable/toxic situation with someone plus I lost myself with drugs and alcohol. In February he will have been gone for two years, and while I have accepted the fact that he is gone, I feel so hollowed out. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. There is no way to just move on. Then then 13m on, a huge ugly cry at new yeartook me to the next step of thinking i was ok. I found him passed away from a heart attack on my 27th birthday. Before, at least I had some role to play in this horrific scene, but now it feels as though there is an even duller grayness about everything. But learning how to refocus away from the loss and on to small or meaningful distractions will create pockets of respite. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. just feels worse this second year coming up to xmas. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. I miss him so much. I lost my son 19 months ago and I dont believe I will ever get on with my life. It may be when we meet in the hereafter. Year number 1 I was numb. I too have felt the way you feel. Roger. I had to sell my house I could not afford it so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. I was always even keeled but now experience such unusual highs and lows. So I hope and pray you find comfort and some measurable amount of peace. I truly am because we as grievers know that loss is not the complete word. One day at a time! Every day is a challenge just to get through it. I do have my faith and helps sustain me And every day I think about her. I am so lonely, but not for another, but I think the hardest part for me is that no one misses me if I dont come home at night after work or any other time for that matter, its incredibly frightening to be in this world alone. not ever! I missed Mike so much and felt guilty for his death as I had felt I should have been more responsive to Mikes medical condition. Suddenly my husband developed a cough and a month later he was dead of lung cancer. Try not to do that to your other child. He was 36yrs old. I stay busy. I lost my father 18th month ago sudden stoke he was with me I thought he was suffering from a low and I was treating him for that as he was type 1 diabetic. Jean was born on September 9, 1940 in Wabasha County to Arthur and Rachel (Kruger . that is life. What does life look like know for me is always on my mind. I just had my s/o 1 year anniv of his passing and it was really a difficult few weeks leading up to it. No other moments were devoid of the heaviness on my heart. I can tell you the only thing that keeps me going day to day is not wanting my children or loved ones left behind to feel how I feel right now. xx. I watched his body deteriorate over the next 8 months, and I was at his bedside when he passed. The heavy chemo treatments, drs appts, etc left me so overwhelmed at the end. very low bounce rate I waited for the flood of feelings I was sure would come. I think I just feel like I just dont care anymore. Hi to all. I think of her every day and night. And I dont apologise for these indulgences they are my medicine, my vitamins, my support. Lost. I agree with those who say the second year and beyond are even worse. But I think I am doing ok in my grieving process, just grieving intensely right now. I continue to struggle with that every single day. My sincerest condolences to you with the loss of your husband. Im basically still just going through the motions, something in my soul cracked this year when i lost them. And my eyes leak out of the blue.I walk past a mirror and dont recognise who I have become. I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. I keep busy volunteering, taking line dancing class and helping with my granddaughters. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would. The second year is just as hard as the first but, for so many different reasons. At least in reading others words I feel that were not alone. I try so hard to be strong for my children and grandchildren the pain is unbearable. Our world was turned upside down and inside out. This is good to know. But you have to move on for you, for your loss, to continue through life. My Bill was my soulmate, best friend, husband and the love of my life for 40 years. My life has forever been changed I have good days and mostly sad Why do people with live child get to talk about them so freely and Im supposed to not talk about my son. But I think this is probably normal, and its certainly normal for me. Now. That magic one year mark does not cure your hurt. I miss him everyday and I just pray to God that he gives me the strength I need to move forward in life because Im not only living for me. Since I lost my son. Eric, I lost my husband of 42 year suddenly 15 months ago. Do I wont to be in a realationship again. You need to feel the pain and work through it! They have kept me going. I still love them all for the years we spent together and for what they meant to my wife. He lives through me and I am blessed and honor to say that I love him the way I did. I believe that the Lord made our hearts for relationships, and that we are not to go life alone.

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